I’m having a hard time dealing with reality these days. No, I haven’t lost touch with reality…it’s more like reality has lost touch with me. The world feels surreal, everything’s gone sideways and upside down ranging from crazy American politics to what-was-once-mundane grocery shopping. Perhaps Life is also trying to teach me something I’ve fought against my entire life: that I’m not in control of anything, I can’t solve every problem…nor, save loved ones from deadly viruses.
As you may have noticed, my last blog post was back in December…which feels like a lifetime ago. That’s because when my mother suffered a heart attack on Christmas Eve, everything Slowpoke Divas went by the wayside as I jumped in as her healthcare advocate, personal affairs manager, and always supportive daughter. In the weeks and months that followed, Mom enjoyed a few good days of feeling like her ol’ self, puttering around the house and fussing over her favorite feral cats.
Sadly, she passed a few weeks ago from a myriad of cardiac and respiratory issues, exacerbated by COVID-19, despite the truly heroic efforts of the Desert Springs Hospital’s ICU medical team. I thank them all — Dr. Gondal; respiratory therapist Julie; nurses Allison, Emily, Lazelle, Maria, and Shelley; Jeff who answered the ICU nurses station phone and helped connect me to whomever was Mom’s nurse that day; and the countless others who analyzed x-rays, lab work and other important tasks.
- I also want to give heart-felt thanks Dr. Adel Shehata of Advanced Heart Care Associates and Dr. Syed Hussain of Health First Medical Center for their love, dedication, and ability to help Mom live an independent, more healthful life for as long as possible. I cannot find the words to truly express my admiration and appreciation for them and their teams!
While now is neither the time nor the place for me to fully voice my opinions about COVID-19, I will say this: it’s an exceptionally dangerous virus that upends lives and must be taken very, very seriously for the sake of our loved ones, friends, and fellow humans.
My experience with COVID-19 continues. My own 14-day quarantine from exposure to my mom may be over, but it’s probably going to continue because my husband is being hospitalized for the damn coronavirus. My own test results came back “inconclusive” though I suspect I had a fairly mild case several weeks ago that included the loss of taste and appetite, a dry cough, and fatigue (the latter two symptoms are also common for me during allergy season). So far, I feel fine physically.
The last few months have truly shown me I cannot control of what’s happening around me…a very unnerving truth I know I’m wrestling with. However, as many spiritual teachers have said before, my inner peace rests on how I react to what I can’t control. Right now, in this moment of writing this post, with hope in my heart, I walk with grief and concern, but not allowing them and other ugly emotions set up residence in my mind. I have had and will have more moments of tears, frustration and anger but I will let they will flow by me like dry leaves on a swift-moving stream. It’s not easy…nor is it hard. It simply is.
So, at the moment, it feels weird to think about — much less write about — race walking, cycling, fitness, and all things Slowpoke Divas-y because of what’s going on in the world. I’m okay with that for now. My fitness goals and dreams of qualifying for the next National Senior Games are still alive.
Tomorrow is another day, another chance to begin anew.
How are you managing during this uncertain time? Share your comments with us on our Facebook page or in our private Facebook group. Stay safe, practice social distancing, and know we’re all here for each other!